"Way Better Than Doing Stuff At Work"
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Category: Office Jokes
A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead all worked in the same office with the same female boss. Every day, they noticed their boss left work early.

One day, the girls decided that when the boss left, they'd leave right behind her. After all, she never called in or came back to the office when she left early, so how was she to know?

The next day, they all three left the office right after the boss left. The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gard . . .
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Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed.

Tom slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. "Boss," he said, "The pill actually worked!"

"That's all . . .
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"Boss, I've got to have a raise," the salesman said to his sales manager. "There are three other companies after me."
"Is that a fact?" the manager asked. "What other companies are after you?"
"The electric company, the phone company, and the gas company."
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A factory foreman is walking through the work area, and notices that Kawolski isn't at his station.

He asks one of the other workers if they know where Kawolski is, and the employee points straight up in the air. The foreman looks up, and there's Kawolski, hanging by one arm from the rafters.

"Get down from there, Kawolski," he yells, to which Kawolski replies, "But I'm a light bulb!"

The boss is -NOT- impressed, and makes Kawolski . . .
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An accountant spends a week at his new office with the accountant he is replacing. On the last day the departing accountant tells him that he has left two envelopes in the desk drawer and that the envelope number 1 should be opened if he ever encounters any sort of crisis in the job and envelope number 2 if a further crisis occurs. Three months down the track there is a major drama, all the accounts are wrong - the usual stuff - and the accountant feels very threatened by it all. He r . . .
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"So tell me, Mrs. Jones," asked the interviewer, "do you have any other skills you think might be worth mentioning?"
"Well, actually, yes," said the applicant modestly. "Last year I had two short stories published in national magazines, and
I also finished my novel."

"Very impressive," commented the interviewer, "but I was thinking of skills you could apply during office hours."

Mrs. Jones explained brigh . . .
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A guy goes to the Post Office to interview for a job.

The interviewer asks him, "Are you a veteran?"

The guy says, "Why yes, in fact, I served two tours in Vietnam."

"Good," says the interviewer, "That counts in your favor. Do you have any service-related disabilities?"

The guy says, "In fact I am 100% disabled. During a battle, an explosion removed my private parts so they declared me disabled, it doesn't a . . .
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A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the
Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked,
"What
are all those clocks?"
St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a
Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh," said the man, "Whose clock is that?" "That's Mother Teresa's.
The
hands have never moved, indicatin . . .
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Two bone weary public servants were working their little hearts and souls out. Their department was just too busy for staff to be able take flex. But there had to be a way...
One of the two public servants suddenly lifted his head. "I know how to get some time off work" the man whispered.

"How?" asked the second worker.

Instead of answering, the man quickly looked around. No sign of his Director. He jumped up on his desk, kicked out a couple of . . .
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A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining a wealthy foreign ambassador during lunch at a very expensive restaurant in uptown New York.

The ambassador was so enthralled by the beauty and presence of this secretary that he asked her to marry him. The secretary was startled, but remembered that her boss told her never to insult foreign dignitaries, so she decided to let him down easy.

"I'll only marry you under three conditions."

"A . . .
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