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Category: Food Jokes
A resident in a posh hotel breakfast room called over the head waiter one morning and read from the menu. "I'd like one under- cooked egg so that it's runny, and one over-cooked egg so that it's tough and hard to eat. I'd also like grilled bacon which is a bit on the cold side, burnt toast, butter straight from the freezer so that it's impossible to spread, and a pot of very weak, lukewarm coffee."

"That's a complicated order sir," s . . .
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A man was asked to dinner by one of his friends, who he knew was an unkempt housekeeper.

When he sat down at the table, he noticed that the dishes were the dirtiest that he had ever seen in his life.

"Were these dishes ever washed?" he asked his hostess, running his fingers over the grit and grime.

She replied, "They're as clean as soap and water could get them."

He felt a bit apprehensive, but started eating anyway. It was re . . .
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The owner of a small New York sandwich deli was being questioned by a tax agent about his tax return. He had reported a net profit of $80,000 for the year.

"Why don't you people leave me alone?" the deli owner said. "I work like a dog, everyone in my family helps out, the place is only closed three days a year. And you want to know how I made $80,000?"

"It's not your income that bothers us," the agent said. "It's these tr . . .
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"May I take your order?" the waiter asked.

"Yes, how do you prepare your chickens?"

"Nothing special sir," he replied. "We just tell them straight out that they're going to die."
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A diner was agitated that the waiter had brought him no spoon with his coffee. "This coffee," he said loud enough for most of the other patrons to hear, "is going to be pretty hot to stir with my fingers."

The waiter reddened, made a hasty retreat to the kitchen and returned shortly with another cup of coffee.

"This one isn't so hot, sir," he beamed.
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A man went to a restaurant and ordered a steak with baked potato. About halfway through dinner he called the waitress over and said, "Ma'am, this potato is bad."

She nodded, picked up the potato, and smacked it. Then she put it back on his plate and said, "Sir, if that potato causes any more trouble, you just let me know."
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A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered, with his thumb over the meat as he is carrying the plate.

"Are you crazy?" yelled the customer, "you have your hand on my steak!"

"What," answers the waiter, "you want it to fall on the floor again?"
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A woman`s garden is growing beautifully but the darn tomatoes won`t ripen. There`s a limit to the number of uses for green tomatoes and she`s getting tired of it. So she goes to her neighbor and says, "Your tomatoes are ripe, mine are green. What can I do about it?"

Her neighbor replies, "Well, it may sound absurd but here`s what to do. Tonight there`s no moon. After dark go out into your garden and take all your clothes off. Tomatoes can see in the dark and the . . .
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Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs"

"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."

Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk towards the cart.

"Two dogs, please," says one.

The vendor is only too pleased to o . . .
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Three Englishmen stopped at a restaurant for a spot of tea. The waiter appeared with pad and pencil. "I'll have a glass of weak tea," ordered the first.

"I'll have tea, too," said the second, "but very strong with two pieces of lemon."

"Tea for me, too, please," said the third. "but be sure the glass is absolutely clean."

In a short time the waiter was back with the order. "All right," he ask . . .
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