"Way Better Than Doing Stuff At Work"
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 Category: Deep Thoughts
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Category: Deep Thoughts
Why are they called apartments if they are joined together?

An archaeologist is a best husband a woman can get. As older she grows, the more interested he is in her.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

If moths are attracted to bright lights, how come they sleep during the day?

I love being married. It's so great to find that special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Anyone who thinks he is . . .
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1. Capmbell's Soup Condoms: Mmm, mmmm, good...
2. Coca Cola Conddoms: the real thing.
3. Diet pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby.
4. Double Mint: Double your pleasure, Double your fun!
5. Energizer: It keeps going and going and going...
6. Ford condoms: the best never Rest.
7. Hewlett Packard Condoms; Expanding possibilities.
8. KFC Condoms: Finger-lickin good.
9. M&M Condom: It melts in your mouth, not in your hands!
10. Mars Bar condoms: The q . . .
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A good friend will bail you out of jail.

A great friend will be in the cell next to you saying,"Damn, that was fun!"
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If nobody is perfect, and I'm a nobody, am I perfect?
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If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was, and always will be yours. If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with. If it just sits in your room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your phone, takes your money, and never behaves as if you actually set it free in the first place, you either married it or gave birth to it.
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I recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits and
exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age. A
little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do
you think I'll live to be 80?"

He asked, "Well, do you smoke tobacco or drink beer/wine?"

"Oh no," I replied. "I've never done either."

Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and . . .
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If 7-11(pharmacy) is open 24/7 then why do they have locks on their doors?
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Can a teacher give a homeless man homework?
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A little kid asks his father, "Daddy, is God a man or a woman?"
"Both son. God is both."

After a while the kid comes again and asks, "Daddy, is God black or white?"

"Both son, both."

The child returns a few minutes later and says, "Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?"

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Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered
to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"

"Because white is the color of happiness and today is the
happiest day of her life." Her mother tried to explain, keeping
it simple.

The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So, why
is the groom wearing black?"
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