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Category: Aviation
A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never
been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense. As soon
as she boarded the plane, a Boeing747, she started jumping in excitement,
running over seat to seat and starts shouting, "BOEING! BOEING!!
BOEING!!! BO....."

Annoyed by the goings on, the Pilot comes out and shouts "BE SILENT!"

There was pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at the . . .
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Upon landing hard, the pilot got on the PA system, "Sorry, folks for the hard landing. It wasn't my fault, blame it on the asphalt."

On this particular flight, the airline pilot noted that he had "hammered the plane a little hard on the runway."

The airline policy was that he had to stand at the exit and apologize to each passenger getting off the plane, saying, "Thank you for flying XYZ airlines and sorry for the rough landing."

. . .
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A young man joins the Air Force. He writes his father, saying that he is really frightened about the upcoming parachute exercises. A few months later he gets leave and goes home. His father asks, "So, how did the parachute jump go, son?" Son replies, "Well, Dad, it came time for me to jump and I froze at the door. My drill sergeant comes up behind me. He is a really big tough guy. He said to me that I had to either jump out of the plane or he was going to "do me&qu . . .
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A biology graduate student went to Borneo to take some samples for his thesis work. He flew there, found a guide with a canoe to take him up the river to the remote site he where he would make his collections.

About noon on the second day of travel up the river they began to hear drums. Being a city boy by nature, the biologist was disturbed by this. He asked the guide, "What are those drums?" The guide turned to him and said, "Drums OK, but VERY BAD when they stop."

. . .
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A man boards an airplane, and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realizes she is heading straight towards his seat. A wave of nervous anticipation washes over him. Lo and behold, she takes the seat right beside his. Anxious to strike up a conversation, he blurts out, "So where are you flying to today?"

She turns and smiles, and says, "To the annual Nymphomaniac Convention, in Chicago.&quo . . .
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Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year and every
year Morris would say, "Esther, I'd like to ride in that airplane."

Esther always replied, "I know Morris, but that airplane ride costs 50
dollars, and 50 dollars is 50 dollars."

One year Morris and Esther went to the fair and Morris said, "Esther, I'm
85 years old. If I don't ride that airplane I might never get another
chance."
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Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact departure on 124.7"

Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to departure -- by the way, after we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."

Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact departure on 124.7, did you copy the report from Eastern?"

Continental 635: "Cleared for takeoff, roger, and yes we copied Eastern and we've alre . . .
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A man was in an airplane, and waiting for the men's room to be free. After Half an hour, he asked a flight attendent if he could use the lady's restroom. The women said yes but told him not to touch to the buttons on the wall. He then went in the cabin. On the wall next to him were for buttons. He couldn't resist and pressed on the first one. Water started spraying from the toilet, cleaning his ass. He was so amazed by that, that he pushed on the second button. Then it was . . .
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On a Trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The
turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is
struck by lightning.

One woman in particular loses it. Screaming,she stands up in the front
of the plane. "I'm too young to die!" she wails.

Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on
earth to be memorable! No one has ever made me really feel like a
woman! Well I'v . . .
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Two hunters were off on their annual trip to the Canadian wilderness to bag a moose. As the seaplane landed on a lake in a remote area, the pilot said, "I'll be back in one week to pick you up. But only one moose, please."

When he returned to the lake, he found the hunters proudly standing beside two moose.

"I told you guys only one moose!" the furious flier screamed. "There's no way the plane can take off with that much weight!" < . . .
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