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Category: State Jokes
An English tourist went to Texas, He got off the bus in Fort Worth, and asked, "Where's a good place to eat?" A man said, "Right down the road is a men's club." The man didn't realize they had a swimming pool, a work-out room, indoor squash, and racquetball. He just walked to the restaurant door and said to the waitress, "Lady, bring me a steak and a coke." The waitress brought out a mug that was 12 inches in diameter and 1 1/2 feet tall. The m . . .
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A man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket, and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy working in that department told him
that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager about the matter.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "Some idiot wants to buy half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, . . .
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The Ultimate Computer stood at the end of the Ultimate Computer Company's production line. At which point the guided tour eventually arrived.

The salesman stepped forward to give his prepared demo."This", he said, "is the Ultimate Computer. It will give an intelligent answer to any question you may care to ask it".

At which a Clever Dick stepped forward - there is always one - and spoke into the Ultimate Computer's microphone. "Where is my . . .
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The other day I went to the local religious book store, where I saw a HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS bumper sticker. I bought it and put it on the back bumper of my car, and I'm really glad I did. What an uplifting experience followed! I was stopped at the light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord, and didn't notice that the light had changed. That bumper sticker really worked! I found lots of people who love Jesus. Why, the guy behind me started to honk like cr . . .
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3 young boys were trying to figure out whose dad was the best:

The first boy said, "my dad is so good he can shoot an arrow run after it, get in front of it and catch it in his bare hand."

The second boy said, "my dad is so good that he can shoot a gun, run after the bullet, get in front of it and catch it in his bare hand."

The third boy said, "I've got you both beat, my dad so good because he works for the state of Florida. He gets of . . .
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Q. Did you hear about the lawyer from Texas who was so big when he died that they couldn't find a coffin big enough to hold the body?
A. They gave him an enema and buried him in a shoebox.
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3 young boys were trying to figure out whose dad was the best:

The first boy said, "my dad is so good he can shoot an arrow run after it, get in front of it and catch it in his bare hand."

The second boy said, "my dad is so good that he can shoot a gun, run after the bullet, get in front of it and catch it in his bare hand."

The third boy said, "I've got you both beat, my dad so good because he works for the state of Florida. He gets of . . .
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While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,"Are there any gators around here?!"

"Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!"

"Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore.

About halfway there he as . . .
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A tourist is visiting New York City when his car breaks down. He jumps out and starts fiddling under the hood. About five minutes later, he hears some thumping sounds and looks around to see someone taking stuff out of his trunk!

He runs around and yells, "Hey, buddy, this is my car!"

"OK," the man says. "You take the front and I'll take the back."
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Two cowboys from Texas walk into a roadhouse to wash the trail dust from their throats. They stand at the bar, drinking a beer and talking about current cattle prices. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough.After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the cowboys looks at herand says,"Kin ya swaller?" The woman shakes herhead, no. "Kin ya breathe?"

The woman begins to turn blue and sh . . .
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